The path to a risk-free, boring, mediocre life in these easy steps:

  • Always have something to complain about. Look for faults in others. In fact, consider “fault finding” a part of your job!
  • Accept whatever you are told without asking for “verifiable” sources.
  • Tell others what you have accepted and say it with enough conviction so that it appears to be the Ultimate Truth. So what if you can’t find the sources of your own convictions.
  • Do a job for money when you don’t even need the money.
  • Go to a school to get a degree. Consider all the learning that happens as a “by product” instead of the real reason for schooling yourself.
  • Be OK with debt. When you die, someone else will have to pay it on your behalf, so what?
  • Always start with No. And if the other person is really, truly committed to getting a Yes from you, then say “Maybe” or “Yes”. But don’t say Yes to things you haven’t tried before. Stay safe.
  • Prefer safety over learning.
  • Adventures and fun was when we were kids and didn’t know any better. Adults are serious and it is OK to be boring, because serious work is boring, right?
  • Always avoid risk, never learn how to manage it.
  • Always assume that the world is out to get you. Don’t start with trust, but start with doubt. Assume everyone’s bad until they prove themselves to be trustworthy. Never assume the good in others and let them prove themselves to be not worthy of trust. Never.
  • Accept your fate. You are destined to be exactly where you are right now, and more importantly, you can never ever change your future because “it is all written”. Be a fatalist.
  • Everybody for him/her self. Just look after yourself, the world doesn’t need you to “poke your nose” and try to help others. “Mind your own business”.
  • A single person can never do anything meaningful. We need a messiah, we need “Someone Else” to come and help us. Till that time, just look busy and do nothing.
  • Never ever read more than a few paragraphs. Reading is for losers. A book is good to weight down school bags, and a good book may look all snazzy in your shelf (if you have have a shelf). But reading a book? Who has time for that?
  • It’s OK that you have dreams. Dreams are good. Just please, don’t start planning on your dreams. Dreams belong in the dream world. This is real life baby. Be practical. Always, always be practical.

The best advice (to live a boring, mediocre life) is:

you don’t have to do it, someone else probably will. So just sit back and relax.

Really, you are not needed. And when you do show up, it just upsets people who are comfortable and now your asking questions is making them nervous.

Besides, who told you that you’re capable? See? Good. Now go back to your awesomely boring, absolutely mediocre life.

Yay.

Is everything really that awesome?

Is everything really that awesome?

 

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